TRANSITION
Transition. Well for lack of a better phrasing, transition sucks. I feel like the past 3 years have been constant transition. Basically it consisted of graduation, moving, job changes, marriage, moving again, and more job changes. However, my life starting in about 6 weeks will be extremely full of transition. Sam will be starting law school in the fall. And I’ve been really excited for him. (We’ll deal with that verb tense in a bit). I’m also beginning seminary in the fall, part time, while I work.
Marriage is a funny beast. We had to work very hard the first 7 months. I finally realized that I had to let go of the things I thought were “preserving” my independence and to put my marriage in the priority that it should have been in the first place. Talk about a transition, that sucker kicked me in my face! But as soon as I got to that point, it was a completely different marriage. So, here comes my big moment, what I learned from that transition, it’s coming back to haunt me, to test to me and see if I have what it takes to put it into action.
I was in a good place, realizing that Sam is my priority under the Lord. I was good with that. That is, until it was challenged. I was so excited when Sam realized what he wanted to do. And he got into law school and we celebrated! Then, the Lord brought to my attention what I wanted to do: counsel women. So, I applied to seminary and got into the Masters in Counseling program. In theory, it was a great plan for him to do law school full time for three years. I could handle working full time (that whole eating thing is a good thing to hold onto) and the program I am enrolled in is pretty manageable to do part time since most of the classes are on the weekends. Then, Sam switched to working part-time this past month until he starts school. And I wake up in the morning to a job that I hate and watch him sleep. This bitterness I know is prideful and sinful. But it’s there. Satan creeps his sneaky self in there saying, “He gets to do what he wants to do full time, why can’t you?”
So, here’s the transition part. Do I transition into actually living out what I said on my wedding day? I believe it went “With all that I am, with all that I have, I honor you.” I can tell you that the things I say under my breath or the way I throw my alarm clock or the thoughts that go through my head each morning are NOT honoring Sam…..or the Lord for that matter. So, how do I carry this transition out?
Well, like most things, prayer has helped. Talking to Sam has helped too. Sharing the struggle to share dreams, share lives, turned out to be a pretty mutual struggle…. or a table for two if you will, and I will. Being able to share that with him made it so much easier… probably because I didn’t feel like such a terrible person. I also have to rest in His promise “For my yoke is easy and my burden is light”. How simple, yes, I am supposed to carry this burden but it’s supposed to be light. If I rest with Him, rest in Him, then He will make my burden light. Sounds simple right? Not easy, but simple.
I wish I had a simple step by step solution to how to trust the Lord and how to transition gracefully but I’m still figuring it out myself. For one, taking it day by day has been huge. Setting aside some time to revel in the things that are permanent in my life, like my friends or my family. Also, I’m trying to change my prayer life. Instead of focusing all my time on what I want, when I want it, and how I want it, I spend time in thanksgiving. Even when I’m hearing the alarm go off, or sitting under fluorescent lights all day, I pray in thanksgiving that I have a paycheck, that I have a husband, that I have health insurance. All of the things that this situation brings me, I still thank Him for it because He has me here right now. So those are just two things that I’m working on, I’m sure everyone has different ways of coping with transition. Who knows, maybe my next article will be about how I’ve all of a sudden come across a crazy old lady who wants to pay all of our bills so I can go to school full time.